Grandma

Hi Ah Ma,

Hope you will get the chance to read this post when my mum actually gives me the permission to tell you. First of all, I know you would be hurt and scared that we did not tell you immediately. Mum is only doing it because she cares about you so please do not take offense or get angry with her. I agreed with mum not to tell you as it was going to be a long process and I did not want you to be worrying about me when you have to concentrate on your health as well.

I do love you very much Ah Ma and maybe I would get a chance to come over and visit more often even during my treatment. So far I have finished my first week of treatment and today, I will be taking my last drugs for this cycle. Hopefully, it would not be too harsh on me today. Felicia, my friends and family are very supportive and helpful throughout this process and I hope this can assure you I would get through with this or even I might already have fought this off by the time you read it. *fingers crossed*

I miss you and will look forward to the time we can chit chat again at your place or even eat your favourite banana leaf again. Take care Ah Ma.


Your Grandson

P.S. I am amused by the way we talk in English when most grandsons/daughters talk to their grandma in their dialects. :)

Thoughts this morning

Syed Azmi

I was just scrolling through facebook and came across this post from Friends of BN. https://www.facebook.com/frensofbn/posts/10153388667569998

I hope that you guys do know who Syed Azmi is. Well his most notable work has been the "I want to touch a dog" event which created a big stir in the ever critical and sensitive Muslim community in Malaysia. What most Malaysians do not know about Syed Azmi is that he is a charismatic, charitable and caring person who has been contributing to the society by organizing events such as soup kitchens, giving to the homeless and more. He has been posting in the infamous TTDI facebook page for a long time always with his tamakpahala hashtag up till the fateful day where he left the group to avoid repercussions for his "I want to touch a dog" event. Just so you guys know, the name of the event is a little misleading for its actual objectives. He created the event for Muslims to be more comfortable being nicer to dogs and also to teach them how to wash themselves after touching a dog. He invited Imam speakers if I am not mistaken to the event to give talks.

A big confession before I go any further, I have not met him or been to any of his events before but I have been reading about his events and seeing pictures on Facebook for quite some time. Most of my time in Australia actually. I just think that this guy is a real hero and he deserves every bit of my respect. I do not think he will be able to read this but if he does, "Keep up what you're doing and don't ever doubt it!"



Catan

Since i'll be under house arrest for 5 months. Does anyone want to play Settlers of Catan with me? :) I will be buying the expansion packs I think and I think it would be a fun thing to do it every now and then. Please comment if you would like to be part of my Catan group!

Friday Night !

Have been bumming around most of the day. Weighed myself in this morning and I am 69.5kg. I was 64 for the past few years so that's really good news. People are wondering if I have any other symptoms. I only have tiredness and a bit of nausea at the moment so I feel everything is going well so far.

Had a short skype catchup session with Preman. Nice to hear you're doing alright in Ireland and good to hear you telling stories again. Always makes me laugh!

Another skype session was with my Felicia. Never failing to put a smile on my face. :D Love you loads!

Fritz, Cute Fat Asian Boy (Ju), Kam Yew, Kai and Jay came to visit and stayed for more than 2 hours. Touched for them missing out on a Friday night out to come talk to me at home. :') Love you guys. And Ju you're still in all the pictures! Sorry kai forgot to take a pic with you!! :(

Sitting : R-L : Cute Fat Asian Boy, Me, KY
Standing : R-L : Fritz, Jay

Just really appreciate all the well wishers everyday and knowing that I am in your thoughts makes me feel that I can take on anything. I'll try to get an air cond downstairs and more soft drinks. Haha.

P.S. Thanks for the mooncake LHH! :D My favourite!

Drugs and Drugs

Disclaimer: This is for my fellow medically related friends who might understand a bit more on medical terms.

Right now, I am on a BEACOPP chemotherapy regime which is one of 2 types of chemotherapy regimes for Hodgkin's lymphoma. The other one is ABVD which is a milder chemotherapy. The BEACOPP regime that I am on right now consists of Bleomycin, Etoposide, Adriamycin (doxorubicin), Cyclophosphamide, Oncovin (Vincristine), Procarbazine and Prednisolone.

This BEACOPP regime has an escalated and a non-escalated BEACOPP. My first cycle is going to be the non-escalated one. Subsequent cycles should be the escalated BEACOPP. This regime was created in Germany and the German doctors favor this regime more than ABVD for most cases. ABVD is favored in most other countries as it is a tried and tested and older chemotherapy regime.


For this regime, Procarbazine and Prednisolone is to be taken for the first 14 days of this 21 day cycle of BEACOPP and the last 7 days as a recovery period where no drugs are to be taken.


I am in my first week currently and on my first day aside from Procarbazine and Prednisolone, I have taken Cyclophosphamide, Doxorubicin and Etoposide. Doxorubicin made me pee pink. hahaha. I felt really tired and no appetite after my 1st day. I slept like 4 hours right after reaching home and at night I tried to eat dinner and it was like eating plain paper. (Thanks Fritz, Mum and Felicia for encouraging me to eat!)

Second day, I only had Etoposide to be given to me aside from Procarbazine and Prednisolone. Felt really good and alright.

Third day, I had Etoposide aside from Procarbazine and Prednisolone and I am feeling almost normal just tired.

On Monday (28/9), they will be giving me vincristine and Bleomycin. I think this will be strong drugs and I would be feeling worse. But at least I am mentally prepared I guess.


Thanks for reading and I would change certain info here if there is any changes :)

Lunch, Visits, Skype

Lunch

Today best lunch in a long time. Reallyyyy yummy! Not in the pic was a bowl of sambal and one extra chicken :DDD


Visit #1 (KY, Ju, Kai)

Lunch (missing from the pic is a buttload of sambal and extra chicken) YUMMSSS 

Ju, Kai, Ky

Shopping God, Kai, Me and KY

Ju said he wants to be in all the photos. hahaha. Let's see if he will be since we missed Jay and Hun's photo. >< Nice catching up with you guys. And thanks for the fruits! 

Visit #2 (Penny & Catan box)

Winner as usual = me. Haha, Thanks for the mooncakes penny!

Felicia's Bimbo Skype Moment

Felicia : *sings* Feels so cold right now

Andrew : Whut??

Felicia : You remember that Calvin Harris song? Feel so cold something something.

Andrew : -.- Feels so close la wtfffffff

Felicia : Oh yaaaaaaaaaaa! lololololo 

Last night and this morning

I received a lot of well wishers last night and today. I really appreciate each and every one of you for your words of encouragement and support. I am feeling really good. Not getting tired so easily. Appetite is still good. I dont think i lost any weight at all and also I think the catheter thing is less painful now. I still hate it flapping about though so my mum is going to get some surgical tape to tape the damn thing down. Haha. To be honest, you guys have played a very big part in keeping my spirits up by talking to me normally and asking me how I am. I feel all the love and I cannot thank you guys enough.

Last night, skyped with Felicia and am very happy she is doing well at her placement in Halifax. Big shoutout to her friend Joshua for providing her a really cozy place to stay. Sorry about the not so stable skype as I could not find a comfortable position to sit and my hand cant hold my phone steady. :(

Rant of the day: Cannot eat bkt! Craving it so bad now.... I really would have tears of joy if I am eating it now. ;(

Julia!!! Get some food education!!! You are a Malaysian. Disgraceful! BKT is this !

*drools* :( (thanks ky for the pic)

Eeven, thanks for the support and was great catching up with you over facebook and reliving those good times in Taylor's and high school. :) Crashing into neighbour's car. hahaha

This morning however, Joyce came up with this super awesome idea to get a foosball table at home. Haha. I guess she hates the idea of being in front of the comp too much or something. Well hope someone can drop a comment on any supplier or sellers. :)

Jono. Feeling the love from Mauritius. XD

Thanks elise for the well wishes.

Lichun, xianhui, sunsiew, and ee chong! Thanks for the show of support.

Mari, you so funny haha. Never changed.

Vince bro always fun talking to you man. :)

Felicia, Flights and Distance :(

How I Met My Girlfriend

This post is going to be long. :P Just telling some backstory on how we met and how we came to be together... I know some of you know the story already but I am just putting this out there for everyone as I want people to know how important Felicia is in my life. :')

We hearken back to those ancient times 5 years ago (dafuq) when I was in IMU in my first week. I was just casually strolling around being divided into groups for orientation when I saw this girl in a simple cream dress with heels. She was walking behind her group looking absolutely ravishing and I wondered whether I was the only one looking. I would bet a lot on me not being the only one. Hahaha. Anyway that was my first sight of her. To be honest, I did not expect what was coming next. BUUTTTTT... the very next day, she was in my PBL! (small group teaching sesh every week) I was like this is awesome! So much easier for me now. So I faked a "post PBL discussion" hahahaha. To discuss about dividing learning targets and when we're late, we can contact each other *winkwink*. And guess what? I got her number! I guess that's the smoothest and most non-creepy way of doing it. Haha. But i did use my resources eh? So we started messaging and decided to fetch her to one of the IMU orientation night things. And we did not really do much there to be honest. Just had a short chat with her then decided to actually plan a proper date to watch a movie at One Utama.

This was the most embarassing date tho.... On that night, I picked her up. I guess it was awkward enough that I had to park my car a distance away as a FUNERAL was going on nearby her house and blocking my car from entering into her road. hehe bad luck bad luck. I walked her from her house to the car with people at the funeral staring. -.- While travelling to One Utama, I could tell we were hitting it off in the car by the conversation we were having. There was no awkward silences or any sort of kinks in our link. However, when we reached the cinema, I reached into my wallet to grab our movie tickets... I normally keep my movie tickets in the same compartment as my money. I was searching for it and nope.... Cant find it. I was like shit.... First date forget movie tickets gg... But surprisingly, Felicia just laughed it off. And she actually was still laughing even when I parked outside my house to pick the tickets up from my mum. Needless to say, it was embarassing but up till now, Felicia still laughs at it. :(

Short message to Felicia : I know we've been going through some tough times lately and I just want to assure you that we will get through it. I know I have not been very appreciative lately and that is my fault. But I want you to know I do appreciate you very much. Looking forward to your birthday!!! <3


Flights

Couple of months back, I bought a ticket through STAtravel which is a realllyyyyy good place to buy tickets from for students by the way. I really recommend them and their customer service is awesome. Well if you're in Australia. I was suppose to visit Felicia in Nov and possibly tour Europe as well. (Lichun remember I asked you about it? haha) The decision to cancel the ticket was due to the fact that my treatment wouldn't be short and I don't know when the treatment might end. I hope that I would get to finish my treatment before your graduation though, Felicia.


Distance

Many people wonder how me and Felicia did LDR for a long time. Honestly, it is not easy. There has to be a level of trust, a level of love and a lot of effort. I do know me and Felicia have made a lot of effort in making LDR work and I am glad that we have this part of our journey to tell our kids or friends. I still cannot wait for us to be reunited again and this is going to be the hardest year because we will only be seeing each other next July and also this year will be the hardest year for us because of lymphoma. We skype as much as we can. And text as much as we can. I guess sometimes distance gives us the time to reflect on stuff alone and gives both of us some space for our own lives. And to make things a lot easier, both of us are busy with medicine and that takes up a lot of time and effort which also gives us less free time to "mess" around. Haha.

To conclude, this post is for Felicia but it is also for people to appreciate what they have and a reminder to hold on to what is important. @ju @kev

1st year Anniversary 20/10/2011

IMU Prom 2012

UK 2013

UK with Lichun Dec 2014

July 2015

First Week

I just realised I have so much to write till my brain cannot compartmentalize things. I'll just write a short blog post on my first week here. So the first day was pretty shit Monday.... Ew I had 3 drugs dripped into me as well as countless oral drugs. And to top things off I did not have a central catheter in yet so there was some danger of the drugs leaking out of my veins. That was pretty bad. So after the whole day in hospital, I came home and slept for 4 hours i think. Just knocked out like a light. When i woke up it was 9.30 and I hadnt had my dinner. My mum was forcing me to eat so I went down to eat dinner. Dinner tasted like sawdust. It was so bad. I had no appetite and was feeling so tired. Thanks mum, fritz, kai and felicia for pushing me to eat stuff to maintain my energy. Love you! Oh and not forgetting, thanks mum for all the water !!! haha

The next day, I felt so much better. Like I had appetite and wasnt too tired and was looking forward to chemo because it was only gonna be one drug dripped into me. End up spending 3 hours there cause the drug was dripping in so slowly -.-" Anyway I went home and was pretty perky and okay and even dota-ed a few games and skyped with Felicia. And i felt really okay. Slept around 10-ish.

This morning(3rd day) had to wake up early as I was going to get my central catheter in. This would be in for about 2 months or more. Wasnt sure how long they wanted to keep it in. And i went there at 7. Managed to get my appointment pushed forward xD. And also when I was in the theatre lying down all prepped and ready to go, they asked me where's my PICC (the device). I was like WTF? Apparently, I was supposed to be told to buy it before going for the minor surgery thingy. But i didnt so my mum ended up having to rush down to the pharmacy to buy it and get it done. It cost about RM700 and the procedure was RM300. Oh while we're on the subject of prices, my chemo everyday costs RM30. IT IS REALLY CHEAP! I mean I expected way more even for government standard. LOL, Anyway today went as well as yesterday, I am now up. :) Fish and ju came to visit and I am waiting for jay, hun and kai come tonight! Really grateful for the support guys. Thanks again. And also thanks to my mum for following me everywhere! And dad for driving me. ;')

Cathether >< (PICC)

Family and Friends

I just want to take every opportunity to thank my family and friends especially my parents and Felicia who have been so supportive and helpful. My mum has been running around like a headless chicken doing this and that. Organizing almost everything from my medication, food to my clothes etc. Felicia who's always checking up on me and also researching my diet, I love you so much and appreciate all your help and prayers very much. Don't worry a bigger post will be up for you, my love! :) Felicia's family thanks for the meals and support!! I truly appreciate all of that. I hate food restrictions. 😣 My brother Adrian thanks for being there and taking care of me post surgery in Australia as well as getting me the anti nausea thingy. My friends you all know who you are. Fish gor, Kevin, Huihun, Bea, Bry, Kai, Hong Yen, Kam Yew, Master of Assholes, Jay, Kaj, June, Val, Viv, Zyoung, Von, Joyce, Asheela, Shenay, Julia, Janey, Mari, Penny!!!, Sath, Jackson, Pearl and Jono love you guys so much for remembering me and keeping me in your prayers and mind.  Fuad and Ahmad thanks for helping me from Australia! Thanks for all the support guys. From laughter to clubbing to gossips to assholeness to dota. :') To helping me with stuffs and everything.

On a side note, I also thank you guys for still treating me normally and not some terminally ill patient. hehe. ANNNNNDDDDD I know some of you guys are busy so you cant continuously check up on me. That is all good guys. Dont feel bad that I miss you out sometimes because no matter what I know you are supporting me. xoxo :)


Hi those silent peeps! Hahahaha. Ern Ying, Shin Yin, Phebe, Lichun, Sneaky. Hahahha. Anyway make yourself known yo!!!

First Visitors (From left to right : Ju the master of assholes, me, Fish gor <3)
Sorry I holding his hand ><

(space for visitors tonight) :D JAGGEH, HUN, JAYYYY

My Story Up to Now

I had this lump in my left neck since Dec 2014 and did not think much of it. Even reading in books about how to recognise lymphoma did not scare me to think that what I had was anything that serious at the time. It was just one lump which started growing bigger as time passed. Eventually, I started feeling a lump on my right neck as well. During this time, I was doing my medicine/surgery semester in University of Newcastle and I was also a bit caught up in work to actually bother checking it. I guess the blessing in disguise was to inform my parents and Felicia about it and they eventually coaxed me into checking it albeit later than we all would've liked.

So around the end of July 2015 just before I was planning to go home to Malaysia for a 2 week mid semester break, I decided to see the GP on a Friday. Initially, he did not think anything of it but still sent me for an ultrasound scan (the one they use to listen to the baby in movies). The very next day, I went with Felicia to the centre to do my scan. We entered thinking nothing of it but I said to her if it was something, it would be lymphoma. 😂 While they were scanning, I was looking at the screen and I saw the lymph node. It was around 27mm and then the technician moved the probe further up my neck and I saw more. The report said I had a few enlarged lymph nodes but I reckon I had 3 or 4 in my neck. The technician went out to ask for the radiologist. She was really professional to not say what she thought I had and said that she will ask the radiologist to inform us. The radiologist came back with her and told me I had lymphoma. I was shocked and speechless but I'm not a very emotional person. Felicia was crying though and I was comforting her. Haha. I don't even know if it was supposed to be that way or the other way around. Hahaha. Anyway, we went out of the room. And I called my parents and brother to inform them. My mum cried over the phone and was still in disbelief. My brother just asked questions to understand more of what I'm having. I did a chest x ray at the centre then I went home. I guess I was calm throughout I dunno why. Maybe it's just me or that's how I handle stress but yes I've always been calm. In most cases. 😂

Eventually, we decided to go Sydney that very same day to stay with my brother. Felicia went back on Sunday and my dad came over on Wednesday. The next following weeks were just a flurry of tests and investigations done on me which I have posted previously. I took a 6 month leave of absence from uni. I am in my final year of medicine. Almost 2 and a half weeks later, I came home to Malaysia where I was in a bit of a dilemma to find a doctor. We had suggestions of a Dr Ng or a Prof Gan. After weighing out the options of both as well as the hospitals capabilities, we decided with Prof Gan. However, she decided to ask us to seek Dr Ng for a PET scan and a bone marrow biopsy because it would be done faster there. We eventually did all that and in the process discovered that I am in stage 4 of Hodgkins Lymphoma. This was a mighty blow to me and my family but we have to stay hopeful and strong.😁 At the start, I was still in the state of calm as I had the thought that I was in stage 2a which is very good prognosis. After finding out I was in stage 4, I panicked and was unsettled for some time and was about to make rash decisions to go to SJMC to undergo faster treatment.

Thankfully, my parents managed to keep level-headed and we stuck with the plan. I have no regrets and am currently having my chemo supervised by Prof Gan and her team. So far I am very contented with all the staff, doctors and nurses in UH. And i'll be here for 5months of treatment!!

P.S. I have absolutely no clue how to write blogs. I hope you guys enjoy it and can tell me what to improve on. 😁 Till next time! 

Lymphoma Info

I have never thought of starting a blog solely for the purpose of writing about my life. My belief is that I do not need more people judging me on how I live my life and judging me on my need to write out my own memoirs. This is going to be a long boring technical introduction. The real reasons for this blogging epiphany is for people to :

1. Get a brief overview on what is Hodgkin's Lymphoma and who it affects
2. Actually know what to do when you're diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma (i guess this would apply to Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma as well)

3. Have a sneak peek on how I actually live my life with lymphoma (guess I have looked past the judging part, haha)

4. Read some of my ramblings

5. Know how important your family, friends and your partner's support is in fighting this disease

Now let's start with the easy part. What actually is lymphoma?? It is a cancer of the lymph nodes. Lymph nodes are part of a separate system in your body which is called the lymphatic system. This system is responsible for draining lymph which is kind of a proteinaceous substance that is leaked from your capillaries. Lymph nodes are part of this system as immune centers to clear infections and it is concentrated with lymphocytes (which are like your fighters against infection). Lymphoma is divided into two families, Hodgkin's Lymphoma and Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma is the more common type and also has a higher danger potential (means it has a wide range from a mild disease to an extremely aggressive cancer). Hodgkin's Lymphoma on the other hand is generally a milder disease than Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Generally, Hodgkin's is quite rare but it is quite prevalent in the young. Teens to 30s would be one of the peak age for Hodgkin's. What you would be looking out for is a painless lump in your chest, groin, armpit or neck area(if it grows its even more urgent to get it checked) and any signs of weight loss, getting tired easily, night sweats, intermittent fevers or getting sick more often than usual.

What to do when you're diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma? Firstly, try to maintain a positive mindset and don't panic. Everyone needs to be level-headed to get your tests all done quicker. NEVER go for a Fine Needle Aspiration biopsy and CT scan first. Go for an excisional biopsy (which is a surgical procedure to remove the lymph node involved so that they can look under a microscope and can tell what you actually have). The reason for this is the fine biopsy has a less than 40% chance of finding the definitive type of lymphoma you are having. A CT scan will only tell you the size of the nodes that are enlarged and not the nodes that are affected. What you should be doing is a CT/PET scan which will show your lymph nodes or organs affected. Besides that, a bone marrow biopsy and a complete blood test should be done (including VDRL, HIV, Hep B and Hep C test done for the eventuality that you would need to go for sperm banking).